After divorce, at least in my State, you have to attend a training on co-parenting. We have to work together in this capacity. I do think having kids complicates things and of course the conditions surrounding the divorce. Despite my ex's infidelity while a minister in the pulpit, I have a lot to be grateful for. One, is that he didn't want the kids. He knew he messed up and never fought me. At least he was honest that he didn't really have the ability or patience to raise them. Although I've been alone in a lot of the work and finances of raising them, I love that they are with me full time and that we have continuity and stability. They talk and see dad whenever they want and can visit him whenever they want. Basically he goes out to dinner with them twice a week--lol! Our relationship has become at moments even friendly, but I have no illusions about what happened in our marriage, the betrayal, or his character. I pray for him on occasion, but I'm careful not to let him take up to much of my mind space because I know who he is. Your article is wonderful about setting some good boundaries and having people come back to reality. Sometimes we have to accept that people are not going to love us and may be abusive and we need to deal with those realities so we don't get continually hurt and embittered. Once again, thank you for the post.
What you’re describing is where I want to help a newly divorced person get to: not a lot of drama. Accepting reality helps you get there. I see people “fighting” for their marriage AFTER the divorce and it’s hard to watch because the amount of energy and drama they invest is wasted years. They just don’t know it yet.
The breaking apart of what was at some point a healthy tie between two souls. The most painful part.
That’s what people struggle with - they want to cling to the “healthy” years that have been long gone.
After divorce, at least in my State, you have to attend a training on co-parenting. We have to work together in this capacity. I do think having kids complicates things and of course the conditions surrounding the divorce. Despite my ex's infidelity while a minister in the pulpit, I have a lot to be grateful for. One, is that he didn't want the kids. He knew he messed up and never fought me. At least he was honest that he didn't really have the ability or patience to raise them. Although I've been alone in a lot of the work and finances of raising them, I love that they are with me full time and that we have continuity and stability. They talk and see dad whenever they want and can visit him whenever they want. Basically he goes out to dinner with them twice a week--lol! Our relationship has become at moments even friendly, but I have no illusions about what happened in our marriage, the betrayal, or his character. I pray for him on occasion, but I'm careful not to let him take up to much of my mind space because I know who he is. Your article is wonderful about setting some good boundaries and having people come back to reality. Sometimes we have to accept that people are not going to love us and may be abusive and we need to deal with those realities so we don't get continually hurt and embittered. Once again, thank you for the post.
What you’re describing is where I want to help a newly divorced person get to: not a lot of drama. Accepting reality helps you get there. I see people “fighting” for their marriage AFTER the divorce and it’s hard to watch because the amount of energy and drama they invest is wasted years. They just don’t know it yet.
Absolutely true. One person cannot save a marriage.