You’re Divorced, Not Done

Thriving in the Life You Never Planned on.

“Till death do us part or April 17^th, 2018.” That’s what it should’ve said. You could’ve at least braced for that.

In the eighties, unintended destinations were filled with men unable to read a Rand McNally road map, and if you don’t know what those are, you’ll find them in the book of Daniel.

It wouldn’t be a vacation in 1987, unless one of these bad boys were spread across the entire dashboard of your wood paneled Chevy station wagon, navigating a web of asphalt from sea to shining sea. As a kid, it looked like a jumbled mess of lines and numbers, but to dad it was a quest map to epic destinations. Which in our case were random rest stops spattered along 1-5.

One fatal error of this map was that it didn’t talk back.

If you missed a turn or an exit, you entered the navigational hell of one-way streets, lost hopes and dreams, and dad who said words you didn’t know existed.

This is how Sunday feels after a divorce. A missed turn, a passed-over exit, and now you’re sitting in a back row, looking at a jumbled mess, saying things you never thought you would.

Divorce. Lawyers. Co-parenting. Betrayal. Numb.

Trying to interpret what might as well be Egyptian hieroglyphics, with no one to help navigate where to go next, is how many enter the church after life takes them to unintended destinations.

Divorce is one giant awkward conversation in the church, full of everyone saying the right things, while having no idea what they’re talking about. So, the church does what any normal human would: give it the ‘silent treatment’ and a class on a Thursday night. Sunday is reserved for the married folk.

You champion everything the Bible proclaims about marriage. You clung to the covenant. You valiantly fought off any suggestion to quit. You did the right thing. Now you’re wallowing in the mud with no fire hose in sight and church is in fifteen minutes. You’ve never shown up there dirty before.

It was always subtle and innocently intended, but you used to look down upon what you are now. You used to say “Oh, bless your heart” to that single mom dragging her kids in late and now you’re him. At least hers showed up in matching clothes and combed hair.

You’re singing Amazing Grace caked in mud and everyone in the room sees the person missing from your side. Grace doesn’t seem amazing right now, it feels lost, and you can’t read a map to save your life. It’s like having every single eye on your failure while being lovingly shunned.

Yet almost forty percent of churches are filled with a conversation no one wants to have. It’s our scarlet letter. It’s an irony we want to ignore because on the one hand we pulpit pound the sanctity of marriage while half our church sits in violation of it. There isn’t a church out there advertising an upcoming ‘Divorce Retreat’. Maybe the answer is assigned seating: Divorced/Non-Divorced.

You’re not damaged goods; you’re a child of the King. That’s the song the church should be singing over the ‘divorced’. You are wholly and dearly loved and we’re going to embrace your mess no matter how muddy your life gets. God’s grace doesn’t stop at divorce.

You’re worth a shout out from the pulpit and a plate of cookies at your doorstep. Divorce is not your identity, Jesus is. You are not ‘less than’ in the church, you’re co-laborers in Christ and heirs to the kingdom. There is no divorced section in heaven.

Jesus didn’t have that woman wallow in her shame while everyone ate popcorn. He said, “Go and sin no more.” Jesus doesn’t keep people in the place of shame to be spectated upon by His church. He’s a God who gives you a map that talks back so you can move forward. Jesus saw a daughter who needed to be set free and yet many fidget in a pew shackled to their shame.

“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” – John 8:36

Divorce is part of your story, but it is not your destiny. Jesus is in the shame washing business. He doesn’t see ‘divorced’, He sees ‘dearly loved’ and worth diving into the mud of torn apart lives and molding priceless art out of the mess.

The divorce happened. It was hell. There will be dynamics to deal with for the rest of your life. It’s not about playing pretend, like it never happened, it’s embracing the reality from the lens of heaven. You can live with victory in the pain and walk in royalty without shame.

There are no tiers in Christianity, only the cross.

To the divorced – walk in freedom and victory today. Move in the grace of Christ which is freely given to anyone who will receive it.

You’re not damaged goods, you’re precious treasure. Your name is child of God.

Yes, this may be the place you thought you’d never arrive at, but it’s the place you’ll flourish from.

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