I've been there and felt this piece viscerally. Divorce, especially after an affair, is in my opinion worse than a death. I've experienced both. Recovering from deep personal betrayal is the death of the ego. We give up not only our dreams for the future, but often our very identity. I thought my husband and I were building a life together. We had put over fifteen years of shared work into it, and then it all went up in smoke. We have two children and what it put them through, still hurts me deeply.
I also agree that the painful experience of divorce can become a gift if we heal from it without bitterness. “For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.” I didn’t intend to lose my life for Jesus, but in the pain of divorce and the humiliation I experienced in front of my church family, Jesus became all I had and all I needed.
With that said, I still cringe at the pain of that season and wouldn’t wish it on anyone. But now I can also see how God provided for me, gave me wisdom, and helped me release unhealthy things I wasn’t even aware of. I like myself now a lot better than the woman I was then. I feel more centered and closer to God.
Thank you for making yourself vulnerable enough to share this. It was a little painful to read because my heart ached with recognition. I appreciate what you're writing.
It’s a privilege to write & I hope it helps someone in their journey. Divorce feels like a death that won’t die.
My prayer is to be a voice for people in the Christian realm who often feel neglected by the church. Not because churches are ‘bad’, but because so many have no idea how to help someone going through divorce. I speak the language because I walked through that hell. Every bit of it.
I hear you, but it looks like your walk through hell is helping you be a hell of a tour guide for others. Helping people walk through the struggle with understanding and the knowledge that they're not alone or being judged is huge.
Thanks for the reply! The heartbeat behind these articles is to give divorced people in the church a voice. Churches often struggle to reach one of the most hurting demographics that sits in their seats every Sunday.
I think that's a beautiful mission! I am not divorced, but I almost was. Our marriage went through so much, but somehow we made. But, I do know so many divorced couples who feel they have no place in the church. I appreciate your desire to make room for that voice! Although I didn't end up divorced, there was a period where I felt so lonely and had no one I felt safe enough to go to when I was considering it seriously. Marriage problems are not welcomed easily. So I can imagine when divorce does happen, it must be a very lonely place. Your message is so important! 😊
Disillusionment. Yep. Good add. I can see that.
I've been there and felt this piece viscerally. Divorce, especially after an affair, is in my opinion worse than a death. I've experienced both. Recovering from deep personal betrayal is the death of the ego. We give up not only our dreams for the future, but often our very identity. I thought my husband and I were building a life together. We had put over fifteen years of shared work into it, and then it all went up in smoke. We have two children and what it put them through, still hurts me deeply.
I also agree that the painful experience of divorce can become a gift if we heal from it without bitterness. “For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.” I didn’t intend to lose my life for Jesus, but in the pain of divorce and the humiliation I experienced in front of my church family, Jesus became all I had and all I needed.
With that said, I still cringe at the pain of that season and wouldn’t wish it on anyone. But now I can also see how God provided for me, gave me wisdom, and helped me release unhealthy things I wasn’t even aware of. I like myself now a lot better than the woman I was then. I feel more centered and closer to God.
Thank you for making yourself vulnerable enough to share this. It was a little painful to read because my heart ached with recognition. I appreciate what you're writing.
It’s a privilege to write & I hope it helps someone in their journey. Divorce feels like a death that won’t die.
My prayer is to be a voice for people in the Christian realm who often feel neglected by the church. Not because churches are ‘bad’, but because so many have no idea how to help someone going through divorce. I speak the language because I walked through that hell. Every bit of it.
I hear you, but it looks like your walk through hell is helping you be a hell of a tour guide for others. Helping people walk through the struggle with understanding and the knowledge that they're not alone or being judged is huge.
No judgement. Healing isn’t a one-size-fits-all. There are no “steps” to getting over a divorce.
So sorry for what you have been through! I understand this more than I care to admit. 😔
Thanks for the reply! The heartbeat behind these articles is to give divorced people in the church a voice. Churches often struggle to reach one of the most hurting demographics that sits in their seats every Sunday.
I think that's a beautiful mission! I am not divorced, but I almost was. Our marriage went through so much, but somehow we made. But, I do know so many divorced couples who feel they have no place in the church. I appreciate your desire to make room for that voice! Although I didn't end up divorced, there was a period where I felt so lonely and had no one I felt safe enough to go to when I was considering it seriously. Marriage problems are not welcomed easily. So I can imagine when divorce does happen, it must be a very lonely place. Your message is so important! 😊
I love the stories that don’t end up in divorce. People think life will get easier if they do. It doesn’t. Thanks for sharing!
I can’t even imagine! You’re so welcome! Thank you for being such a safe place for those who are living in that reality!
❤️🩹 no words