Thanks for reading! You’re right, a lot of my content could be for anyone in a strained marriage too.
I wish more couples would demonstrate mutual repentance and humility and fight to preserve the marriage. Because divorce doesn’t always go the way you planned it and cost way more than you ever expected.
This was so important and I wish it was something I had found while going through my divorces. I should have fixed myself before getting married again, then there wouldn’t be so many problems we have to navigate now after the wake of my marital destruction.
I’ve had to learn to give myself grace amidst the mistakes. Im still dealing with the fallout from 10 years ago. Sometimes it’s just a tension that has to be managed. I’m so grateful for Gods grace and mercy in it all.
Thanks for taking this weighty and painful topic and making it hilarious--in a good way! Like you, I'm several years out of my divorce, so I can have a sense of humor about the pain, even though when I was going through it I would never have believed someday I could laugh over any of it. Some lines really stood out to me.
"Divorce is high school breakups on steroids." Completely--It is like revisiting every adolescent insecurity you ever had--especially if betrayal is involved. Being honest about what was happening meant putting my rejection on full display. That was one of the toughest things--to admit to the world that the person who was supposed to love and cherish me had treated me like discarded trash.
"Chainsaws make horrible scalpels. " Great line that really captures how messy divorce is and how it hurts our kids. I tried so hard to protect my sons, but I was in so much pain that they got a fair dose of my bitterness on full display. Fortunately they are resilient and compassionate kids and now we've been able to talk about this messy time in our lives candidly. I've been able to be honest that I didn't handle everything as well as I should have.
Before the divorce I was working really hard as a pastor and pastor's wife to fulfill the image and expectations. Being publicly messy was really the first opportunity to develop a real faith and now I'm appreciative of what I learned.
One of the ways I know I’ve processed through something difficult is when I can find the humor in it.
Writing from a place of bitterness can be dangerous, and I’m thankful God brought me to place of laughter and forgiveness. I want to use this platform to encourage people.
One of the added pieces you maybe felt...at least I did, was that the divorce was on display for the whole church to see. Even my peers in the denomination I was in sat and watched from a distance. This is weird....I healed from my divorce quicker than the church pain that came from it. My wife is a big part of my healing process with the church.
I'm so glad. you found healing and a wonderful person to share your life with. I agree that the church hurt is in many ways more damaging and long lasting than the divorce, because it feels like being betrayed by your family. I also think there's a wider issue of churches being so committed to an image of the perfect life that they are unprepared to help people through reality.
This article is direct, authentic, honest, and oh so vulnerable.
From a Christian pastor, it is REFRESHING!
I know your primary audience is the recently divorced. But this is helpful to someone enduring a pressured marriage too.
Thanks, and God bless you!
Thanks for reading! You’re right, a lot of my content could be for anyone in a strained marriage too.
I wish more couples would demonstrate mutual repentance and humility and fight to preserve the marriage. Because divorce doesn’t always go the way you planned it and cost way more than you ever expected.
Wow, this was rich, honest, and full of so much wisdom. Thank you so much for taking the time to share this and for the courage it took to be real. 💛
Thanks for reading!
This was so important and I wish it was something I had found while going through my divorces. I should have fixed myself before getting married again, then there wouldn’t be so many problems we have to navigate now after the wake of my marital destruction.
I’ve had to learn to give myself grace amidst the mistakes. Im still dealing with the fallout from 10 years ago. Sometimes it’s just a tension that has to be managed. I’m so grateful for Gods grace and mercy in it all.
Yes I agree. His grace is sufficient
Thanks for taking this weighty and painful topic and making it hilarious--in a good way! Like you, I'm several years out of my divorce, so I can have a sense of humor about the pain, even though when I was going through it I would never have believed someday I could laugh over any of it. Some lines really stood out to me.
"Divorce is high school breakups on steroids." Completely--It is like revisiting every adolescent insecurity you ever had--especially if betrayal is involved. Being honest about what was happening meant putting my rejection on full display. That was one of the toughest things--to admit to the world that the person who was supposed to love and cherish me had treated me like discarded trash.
"Chainsaws make horrible scalpels. " Great line that really captures how messy divorce is and how it hurts our kids. I tried so hard to protect my sons, but I was in so much pain that they got a fair dose of my bitterness on full display. Fortunately they are resilient and compassionate kids and now we've been able to talk about this messy time in our lives candidly. I've been able to be honest that I didn't handle everything as well as I should have.
Before the divorce I was working really hard as a pastor and pastor's wife to fulfill the image and expectations. Being publicly messy was really the first opportunity to develop a real faith and now I'm appreciative of what I learned.
Keep writing. You're awesome!
Thank you again for the great feedback!
One of the ways I know I’ve processed through something difficult is when I can find the humor in it.
Writing from a place of bitterness can be dangerous, and I’m thankful God brought me to place of laughter and forgiveness. I want to use this platform to encourage people.
One of the added pieces you maybe felt...at least I did, was that the divorce was on display for the whole church to see. Even my peers in the denomination I was in sat and watched from a distance. This is weird....I healed from my divorce quicker than the church pain that came from it. My wife is a big part of my healing process with the church.
I'm so glad. you found healing and a wonderful person to share your life with. I agree that the church hurt is in many ways more damaging and long lasting than the divorce, because it feels like being betrayed by your family. I also think there's a wider issue of churches being so committed to an image of the perfect life that they are unprepared to help people through reality.
Whew! May this article reach and directly impact the hearts that need it!!! Love the metaphors and analogies here.
1. Comparison gives fuel to “I’m fine.”
2. Healing doesn’t come with a fast forward button.
🔥👏🏾
Thanks for the feedback!